Open Your Hands...

So I'm bored right now...

That spells trouble...

When I'm bored I think too much, and considering I think too much anyway, boredom is not a good idea for me...

I was thinking about happiness lately, and how to achieve it, and I came to this conclusion; happiness, and contentment is something we choose.

As I write this I have a pain in my chest (not the physical type) and am really not taking this on board, but nonetheless, I still believe that it's true.

To Illustrate;

For the last 3 months or so I have allowed myself to be miserable, I have moped around, been angry and taken it out on other people (who definitely don't deserve it) and just generally been a grumpy git.  Circumstances that are out of my hands and that I am unable to change have dictated my mood.  And seeing that I can't change them, why be grumpy/sad/mad, right?

Last week however, I decided this was going to change, I decided I was going to be happy...

Funny thing...

IT WORKED!

Crazy as it might sound, I woke up in the morning and said to myself; "Today I am going to be happy, I am going to enjoy work, have fun and its gonna be a good day."  And each time...it was!

Happiness or contentment are not a result of our circumstances, they are a choice we make.  We decide to be happy with what we have.

I am a hypocrite, because rather than being happy with what I have, I am sad about what I don't have. I wish there was an easy way to make this go away, but this one, for the first time, has clung on longer than I expected and refuses to go away...or maybe I'm refusing to let it go!?  I'm not really sure to be honest.  The days I have chosen to let it go, I've been great, but then a reminder, subtle or otherwise sends me right back to square one just when I think I'm over it.  And that's where I am sitting right now.  In that place.

I need to shake this.

Because no matter whether I get what I want or not, it won't make me happy.  Its not that its not a good thing, its a great thing, but I can't be dependent on circumstances for my sanity.

I need to get over it.  Probably I need to choose to get over it, because normally the things we want, we want for all the wrong reasons.  And it's usually it's when you stop looking that you get what you really need.  Because like Jesus said;

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?’” (Luke 12:22-26, NIV)

I need to open my hands and let go of all the things I am holding onto, those things that are holding onto me, and find my happiness in God and not in anyone or anything else...and maybe, just maybe if I open my hands and let go of whats in them...just maybe I'll find what I need, and not just what I want in my hands...

I haven't lost hope...

But I need to let go...

And let God fill my hands.