I kinda have this feeling that lent (not unlike new years resolutions) has a habit of being misguided, and a waste of time. Why? Because for the most part, we spend our time giving up things for no real reason, failing, feeling bad, and kinda missing the point.
I think lent is supposed to be about drawing closer to God.
This year I made several 'aims' that I hope to achieve for lent;
- To start driving (practical)
- To quit smoking (also practical)
- To budget time money better (as above)
- To draw closer to God (relational)
- and to follow the Mars Hill lent calender (??)
Most of the others are going okay, but to be honest...the final 2 are the most important, because they are about what I do do, and not what I don't do. As much as all of the above are great ideas, I'm not gonna beat myself when I fail, because I think God more interested in me knowing Him, than whether or not I am disciplined...I think the later will follow.
Today I had to write a prayer to God explaining all the habits and behaviours I want to die to. And this is where it ties into a talk I just did at the weekend.
You see...I am needy...VERY needy...
I don't think anyone isn't.
But why?
It comes down to the lifeboat. Most of us live in this lifeboat. And there isn't room for everyone. So we try to get ahead. We use our looks, our abilities, our salary, our achievements, our race, our gender, our...whatever, to decide who is of the most value, and pit ourselves above others.
Next question...why??
I think its because we are disconnected. From God, mostly. I don't wanna go into theology much, but Adam and Eve were in perfect relationship with God...and they were naked. Then they sinned...and noticed they were naked. Its the thing the writer mentions..strange...no sin, naked, sin...fig leaves.
All of a sudden they were aware of themselves, and uneasy with who they were. There disconnection with God caused them to doubt their value. So they nipped down to TKMaxx and bought some fig leaves.
We live in this tension. We are disconnected...our lack of closeness with God causes us to doubt ourselves, and we look for value in our peers. We sleep around, get into loads of relationships, treat others badly, and all to make ourselves feel better, valued, loved.
But it doesnt work. Lust offers a promise it cannot deliver on. It leaves us wanting more...so when we have sex, or look at porn, or go through 6 girlfriends a month...we still feel empty, because we were designed to get our glory from God.
Jesus didn't live in the lifeboat. He didn't operate under the same social economy we do. Because his love came from the father, and he didn't doubt that.
I need people to like me. If they don't, I feel bad, invalidated. I don't rely on God for this. And it means that anytime someone doesn't like me, for good or no reason, it hurts me...and I try everything I can to make people like me...go to the gym to look 'good', try to excel in sports, try to look cool playing guitar at the front of church...whatever. These arent bad things, but when I rely on them to make people like me, its destructive. Because people can never offer what relationship with God does.
If you have made it this far through my sporatic thoughts, well done.
The point, I think lent is about (for me at least) drawing close to God, knowing (in my head and my heart) that He loves me, and finding value in Him so I don't go looking for it where I will never find it.
Ill end with a quote;
"He (Jesus) believed we should take every opportunity to fail in the lifeboat game, not for the sake of failing, but because there wasn't anything to win in the first place. It was as if He didn't believe the economy we live within had validity. No part of Him was decieved by it's power."
Its later than I planned, gotta sleep. But I pray that over this period of lent (and beyond) Jesus helps me to step out of the boat, and find value in Him...because he values me, and he values you immensely!
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