I'm a mess, that won't be news to anyone...
But I've decided that's not a horrible thing.
With my head frazzled and firmly planted up my...ya know, I sat down to pray. I don't really know where my life is headed, I don't know what I want to pursue or where I want to go, bar a few small details, and the things I want currently aren't working out the way I planned. So I've come to the end of my tether, and not for the first time!
I think these points in life are key. I think that (maybe) at some point everyone comes to the end of their resources and realised, like me, that "I've got nothin'"
In these moments are a choice. Despair or hope.
For me, tonight it was hope. I chose to turn to God and 'vent,' to tell him I understand I've got nothing, and to ask for help, for direction, for Him to father me and tell me it will be okay. And no matter how much I've neglected Him, just like in the story about the runaway son, my Father is always waiting for me to come back and ask for help.
I'm not suggesting you try to do life on your own just to get to this point, but if you get there, remember God is always waiting.
I don't think He will necessarily give me what I want, I don't think He will magically solve all my problems, but He will ALWAYS be there to listen, and after all, He DOES love me, and He IS good. A fresh start is always around the corner, and learning is always there to be had.
Anyway, off to sleep, I'll sort things out soon, as best I can, and try not to get to this point again too soon, but rather trust that He knows what I need, and what I want, and will give me whats best for me.
Change is a miracle - Change sometimes can be a breaking or in my case a demolition. I had built a rickety, crumbling fortress that kept me safe from others and myself. Someon...
1 month ago