And the point is...???

So, it's been a while since I've blogged.

Its around 9.30pm (Detroit time) and I'm outside my hotel sitting on a little rocking bench with my headphones on, right now listening to Radiohead's beautiful 'Motion Picture Soundtrack' with a cup of coffee and a muffin I grabbed from the Tim Horton's across the street from my hotel. To be honest, I'm a little bored, and thats probably half the reason I'm blogging...

But the other half of the reason is a strange feeling that I have in my chest right now.

I have had one of the best days I have had in a long time today. I've met some wonderful people while I've been over here for Paul's wedding, not least Sarah, Heidi and Matt, who I spent most of the day with along with the wonderful Betty (Elisabeth for the rest of you). It's been great. Today we went to this little beach next to a lake. It was at very short notice and we had to pack up some stuff from Paul and Brit's wedding reception, so we didn't have a lot of time, and most only Heidi had a swimsuit. Nonetheless off we went. After a lot of sitting around, chatting and wading out into the water, we eventually ended up with most of our clothes on swimming around in the lake. The car ride home was interesting, Matt and I with soaking jeans, and Sarah having to head to work an hour later and no time to go home and shower.

It was awesome. At one point we were just all standing around in a circle looking at each other, and I just thought, 'this is amazing!' I caught Matt's eye and just smiled, because for me it was one of those times that just transcended words. Nothing needed to be said, we just knew.

But thats not really what this blog is about...kinda...

I like stories. One of my previous blogs was about story, and using story as a metaphor for life. And today, maybe because of the great time I have had, or maybe just because, I have this deep feeling of dissatisfaction. Its hard to describe, but theres this weight on my chest, and I think it's telling me something, to be honest, I think partly, it's God.

I was talking today with Sarah, half jokingly, about moving over here. Crazy. But that made me ask the big question... 'why not?'

Thats not to say I'm now ready to go home and get packed and head over the water to the land of opportunity...just yet anyway :-)

But what it made me ask was "what is stopping me from going away? What do I have at home that would hinder me?"

The answer really, is nothing. Don't get me wrong, I've got great friends at home, and a wonderful family, but my life, at present isn't going anywhere. My story is dull. Sure I have goals; get a better job, save some money, learn to drive, get a car. But whats the point? What do I wake up in the morning for? I really don't know.

I don't really know where I'm going with this. I'm typing as I think. But I guess there are probably people out there somewhere with the same thoughts. That same feeling of dissatisfaction. I guess I need a purpose. And I guess that needs to come from God, but at the moment I have this feeling in my chest, and it's the kind of feeling that makes me not want to come home.

So the point is...

Well...

I don't know.

What do you wake up for? Do you know your purpose? I know one thing, I need to figure mine out. Of course, if I leave it long enough, the feeling will pass and I can go back to my pointless goals, but I hope I don't, I need more. I'm hoping I'll figure out what that is, and what this feeling in my chest is trying to tell me.

To end, the beautiful words of Queens of the Stone Age;

"I want something good to die for, to make it beautiful to live."